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Odi et Amo
02 November 2009 @ 04:08 pm
Hello all.
Got nothing to say atm so I'll see you when I do.
For those who've come here and only got disappointed,
sorry.
Maybe you can leave a comment for me?
My ego will surely love you for that.
À bientôt!
For those who've come here and only got disappointed,
sorry.
Maybe you can leave a comment for me?
My ego will surely love you for that.
À bientôt!
01 September 2009 @ 10:06 pm
"The best revenge is massive success."
Frank Sinatra
And suddenly I am no longer bitter.
16 August 2009 @ 01:21 pm
To the world, I have to act fierce.
I'm really a homebody who'd like to spend weekend mornings on the porch in the sun like a dried-out mollusc.
Yes, I'd really like that for a change.
Heehee.
Hehe?
Eh.
My creative mojo got lost in that wind. Need to find the bastard and get it back.
I'm really a homebody who'd like to spend weekend mornings on the porch in the sun like a dried-out mollusc.
Yes, I'd really like that for a change.
Heehee.
Hehe?
Eh.
My creative mojo got lost in that wind. Need to find the bastard and get it back.
30 May 2009 @ 08:02 pm
'Ve left some loose ends untied for so long that there's no point in finding them now to make amends. But history repeats itself and years onwards, the cycle has come full circle and the problem is at hand once more. All this time, I still haven't learnt how to deal with it. Confrontation the last time only opened up more hurt and came to no resolution. Let bygones be bygones then?
I am going to dye my virgin hair.
I am going to relocate my heart.
I am going to redecorate my bedroom.
I am going to grow.
I am going to stand tall.
I am going to walk alone.
I am going to make
I am going to be.
I am going to do.
25 May 2009 @ 12:37 pm
23 May 2009 @ 06:33 pm
Little niggling things; demanding clients, running late for the trains, PC-crashitis, shifty stranger-guys, parchy swine-flu jokes, womb-contorting period pain to indecisive weather...every little thing massed into a big shit-heap this week. Do you remember watching Jurassic Park? You know at the beginning there is an ill triceratops? And next to the triceratops is a big pile of shit? And then they wade through the shit?
At least they had gloves on.
But that's alright Stripes doesn't need gloves as I have managed to come out the end of this week a-ok *thumbs up*.
Just until now, I've been battling with the bipolar weather to hang my laundry out on the line. Hang them up...only to pick off the pegs and come racing a full basket back indoors, peer out the window to see that the sudden downpour has stopped and so!...repeat routine. Times three. I don't know why, I just felt that I had to get every possible bit of sunshine to bless over my laundry today or else it'll be the end of my world although clearly, it's always an impossible win against the weather too. Like Stripes, give up fool! There are so many more important things that I shouldn't give up on, yet I choose to be so adamant about such a trivial thing like this.
So I've realised I've got a tendency to go N/A. Or MIA. Or AWOL. Torrential angst hangs over Stripes as of late and then sucks me into its black hole. It's dark, it's bland and there's no creative muse here. Emo, em, emo. I've worked and reworked on so many design developments this week however, Tim, my lovely effeminate design instructor has yet approved any of them because the one he chose for production was not one of my designs I felt strongly about. So now I have to draw more and come to a negotiation with Tim. Stripes feel a lot of the times, design teachers subtly abuse and steer students into what the teachers like and give students grief when they don't take the upper hand's suggestions. It's happened every single time with every single briefing - with the creative team at the place I used to work, with my applied graphics instructor too. So whilst in art and design you have the freedom to express, that ironically is not the case...when you are an underling. Oh pooey, hey? I'm stubborn but I better soon learn to accept that opinions in the art and design circle are always biased - people will always either hate or love your work. Headbang, headbang, headbang. Stripes hope to find a resolution quicksmart because when I get dissatisfied like this with my work, things in the daily-life get domino-effected. My mind will be busily occupied in search of something better and I am simply not present when spoken to. I block out all of the world, haha. Mom curses Stripes for undertaking such a career-lifestyle, lol, but oh, she just doesn't understand the thrilling reward that comes with it too. Like when you've found an ingenious resolution to turn an abstract concept viable and real or when all your many little ideas come and fit together like a perfect puzzle...ahhhh, that's what I'm talking about.^^
Now keep on searching Stripes~!
The other thing; I've been resenting friends, birthday celebrations and cupcakes. These are meant to be pleasant, enjoyable things, right? (Enjoying friends as in their company, tsk tsk). Stripes went to a friend's birthday and the theme was cupcakes. We had Pancakes On The Rocks, we ate some very rich chocolate fudge birthday cake, we went back to BirthdayFriend's place and were forced to gob down more sweetness:
Of cupcakes from Cupcakes On Pitt and Stripes being inconspicuous in the background.
Tell me, the chocolate garnished on top of those green icing cupcakes,
do they not look like poop?
At least they had gloves on.
But that's alright Stripes doesn't need gloves as I have managed to come out the end of this week a-ok *thumbs up*.
Just until now, I've been battling with the bipolar weather to hang my laundry out on the line. Hang them up...only to pick off the pegs and come racing a full basket back indoors, peer out the window to see that the sudden downpour has stopped and so!...repeat routine. Times three. I don't know why, I just felt that I had to get every possible bit of sunshine to bless over my laundry today or else it'll be the end of my world although clearly, it's always an impossible win against the weather too. Like Stripes, give up fool! There are so many more important things that I shouldn't give up on, yet I choose to be so adamant about such a trivial thing like this.
So I've realised I've got a tendency to go N/A. Or MIA. Or AWOL. Torrential angst hangs over Stripes as of late and then sucks me into its black hole. It's dark, it's bland and there's no creative muse here. Emo, em, emo. I've worked and reworked on so many design developments this week however, Tim, my lovely effeminate design instructor has yet approved any of them because the one he chose for production was not one of my designs I felt strongly about. So now I have to draw more and come to a negotiation with Tim. Stripes feel a lot of the times, design teachers subtly abuse and steer students into what the teachers like and give students grief when they don't take the upper hand's suggestions. It's happened every single time with every single briefing - with the creative team at the place I used to work, with my applied graphics instructor too. So whilst in art and design you have the freedom to express, that ironically is not the case...when you are an underling. Oh pooey, hey? I'm stubborn but I better soon learn to accept that opinions in the art and design circle are always biased - people will always either hate or love your work. Headbang, headbang, headbang. Stripes hope to find a resolution quicksmart because when I get dissatisfied like this with my work, things in the daily-life get domino-effected. My mind will be busily occupied in search of something better and I am simply not present when spoken to. I block out all of the world, haha. Mom curses Stripes for undertaking such a career-lifestyle, lol, but oh, she just doesn't understand the thrilling reward that comes with it too. Like when you've found an ingenious resolution to turn an abstract concept viable and real or when all your many little ideas come and fit together like a perfect puzzle...ahhhh, that's what I'm talking about.^^
Now keep on searching Stripes~!
The other thing; I've been resenting friends, birthday celebrations and cupcakes. These are meant to be pleasant, enjoyable things, right? (Enjoying friends as in their company, tsk tsk). Stripes went to a friend's birthday and the theme was cupcakes. We had Pancakes On The Rocks, we ate some very rich chocolate fudge birthday cake, we went back to BirthdayFriend's place and were forced to gob down more sweetness:
Of cupcakes from Cupcakes On Pitt and Stripes being inconspicuous in the background.
Tell me, the chocolate garnished on top of those green icing cupcakes,
do they not look like poop?
I'm getting older and with that, perhaps I may have ingested my sweet tooth and turned bitter. Because Stripes felt like a sick feck when this 'sweet' surprise (I'm highly distrustful of people's sweet gestures too) platter of more-than-enough chocolate cupcakes (there's more not in the pic) arrived at the table and I was threatened that if I don't eat one, 'we *BirthdayGirl's simultaneous finger-pointing at Stripes and herself* can no longer be friends.'
Hmm.
...
I find it so fantastically annoying how some people can act like 6-year old girl-children at this quarter-life mark. The male friend who got all these cupcakes included. Am I the only one that thinks cupcakes are overrated? Girls think cupcakes are cute.
That piece of dough? I feel nothing.
My mind is becoming insensitively male. Can you blame me? I am currently drinking protein shakes of the bodybuilders' kind for my weight-gaining diet. Back in the uni days, my mate who was obsessed with muscle mass - he took this shit and was teased for drinking 'testosterone milk'. Anyway, here's another of my prick-like antics. Stripes even does the 'I'll call you later' whenever I bump into a friend on the streets and then never do. Haha. I'm not up for idle chit-chat and gossip session over the phone, gomen.
Quite a dry and unpleasant post, hey? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Je suis desolée, Stripes will recompense with a memo to remind everyone but mostly myself, that there are plenty of lovely things out there which can melt me into cute queezy girly goo.
Tout à l'heure, or incorrectly-speaking, toodle-loo!
Hmm.
...
I find it so fantastically annoying how some people can act like 6-year old girl-children at this quarter-life mark. The male friend who got all these cupcakes included. Am I the only one that thinks cupcakes are overrated? Girls think cupcakes are cute.
That piece of dough? I feel nothing.
My mind is becoming insensitively male. Can you blame me? I am currently drinking protein shakes of the bodybuilders' kind for my weight-gaining diet. Back in the uni days, my mate who was obsessed with muscle mass - he took this shit and was teased for drinking 'testosterone milk'. Anyway, here's another of my prick-like antics. Stripes even does the 'I'll call you later' whenever I bump into a friend on the streets and then never do. Haha. I'm not up for idle chit-chat and gossip session over the phone, gomen.
Quite a dry and unpleasant post, hey? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. Je suis desolée, Stripes will recompense with a memo to remind everyone but mostly myself, that there are plenty of lovely things out there which can melt me into cute queezy girly goo.
Tout à l'heure, or incorrectly-speaking, toodle-loo!
22 May 2009 @ 10:08 pm
"The fatter wog said to the skinnier wog, 'Oi bro, you slept with my cousin.'
And the other one said, 'Nah man, I didn't for shit, eh.'
And the other one goes, 'I will call on my fully sick boys, eh,'
And the other one said, 'Nah man, I didn't for shit, eh.'
And the other one goes, 'I will call on my fully sick boys, eh,'
and then pulled out a gun and went ...*hand pistol*...chk-chk boom!'"
From a 19-year old female eyewitness, giving her televised report of the 17/05/2009 Kings Cross shooting.
Sydney girls are classy, eh.
09 May 2009 @ 10:41 pm
I wonder what guys think of chicks who aren't of the pretty or sexy norm, but as a girl, I have a crush on girls with a quirky charm. The more alien-looking, the more arresting ♡.
Today's quick pencil on paper, scanned.
♥: Amelie AoiYuu AliceInWonderland KateMoss GemmaWard KatyPerry NodameMegumi AmandaSeyfried Sam(ofGardenState) DevonAoki
06 May 2009 @ 07:47 pm
Assignment:
"Superfreak, superfreak, she's superfreaky, yow!!"
( All graphics done in Microsoft Excel. )
Post-assignment thought:
So how about it; early 80's hair, 80's fashion and my obsolete 80's graphics skills to match, heh.
How I hope I won't be asked to do grading in the industry. Maths is not my forte and I wish I weren't a myopic asian so people could stop with the assumption.
I do wish though, that my last name was LuvBuzz and that I had holes in my hair in the shape of love hearts. <3 <3
Post-assignment thought:
So how about it; early 80's hair, 80's fashion and my obsolete 80's graphics skills to match, heh.
How I hope I won't be asked to do grading in the industry. Maths is not my forte and I wish I weren't a myopic asian so people could stop with the assumption.
I do wish though, that my last name was LuvBuzz and that I had holes in my hair in the shape of love hearts. <3 <3
24 April 2009 @ 07:10 pm
"Let me be a little kinder, let me be a little blinder
To the faults about me;
Let me praise a little more,
Let me be, when I am weary; just a little bit more cheery,
Let me serve a little better
Those that I am striving for.
Let me be a little braver when temptation bids me waver,
Let me strive a little harder
To be all that I should be;
Let me be a little meeker to the brother that is weaker;
Let me think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me."
To the faults about me;
Let me praise a little more,
Let me be, when I am weary; just a little bit more cheery,
Let me serve a little better
Those that I am striving for.
Let me be a little braver when temptation bids me waver,
Let me strive a little harder
To be all that I should be;
Let me be a little meeker to the brother that is weaker;
Let me think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me."
Stripes is a little over things.
When will I know that I have become a self-made (wo)man?
10 April 2009 @ 06:36 am
I have a presentation at 9am today.
And I am going to wing it.
That is all, haha.
And I am going to wing it.
That is all, haha.
08 April 2009 @ 11:34 pm
North Shore Line service, Berowra bound - 08:54.
To the ~mid-20's guy in an expensive suit with a shaved head,
we sat on the 3-seater bench this morning; me between you and some other corporate guy.
You got up from your window seat to exit the carriage at Wynward.
It was very squashy because Corporate Guy was a fatass,
so as I slid over to make way for you, my shin accidently brushed against your leg.
...
I know you felt it.
At that moment, I bet you wanted to turn around and give me your 'what-the-feck' stare.
...
...
Hi *reowwr*, awkward much? Lol.
Must be, because your pose looked kind of stiff,
and you didn't turn around but I noticed the back of your ears went red.
Lol!
...
. sigh .
You must have thought I was feeling you up.
My head sometimes plays out soft porn in there but I honestly, physically do not know how to flirt so please, discard that assumption.
I felt equally embarrassed if not more, because you must be a very attractive guy front-on judging from the roundness of your nice head (I don't think we saw each other's faces) and firmness of your calves (you must work out a lot), and who am I but a petty, petty girl who had just sexually-harrassed you.
To the ~mid-20's guy in an expensive suit with a shaved head,
we sat on the 3-seater bench this morning; me between you and some other corporate guy.
You got up from your window seat to exit the carriage at Wynward.
It was very squashy because Corporate Guy was a fatass,
so as I slid over to make way for you, my shin accidently brushed against your leg.
...
I know you felt it.
At that moment, I bet you wanted to turn around and give me your 'what-the-feck' stare.
...
...
Hi *reowwr*, awkward much? Lol.
Must be, because your pose looked kind of stiff,
and you didn't turn around but I noticed the back of your ears went red.
Lol!
...
. sigh .
You must have thought I was feeling you up.
My head sometimes plays out soft porn in there but I honestly, physically do not know how to flirt so please, discard that assumption.
I felt equally embarrassed if not more, because you must be a very attractive guy front-on judging from the roundness of your nice head (I don't think we saw each other's faces) and firmness of your calves (you must work out a lot), and who am I but a petty, petty girl who had just sexually-harrassed you.
"You people...make me so awkward...oh. cannot. face. zee. world. no more. oh, i hate my life!"
I resent people who make me feel more socially awkward than I already am. Hmph.
06 April 2009 @ 07:15 am
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
24 March 2009 @ 11:35 pm
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak."
until you hear them speak."
22 March 2009 @ 11:53 pm
60%-weighting assignment due tomorrow, 9am!
Feck, yay!
*To the grave, be gone, be gone, group assignments!!*
21 March 2009 @ 10:06 pm
Just as the day had looked, I remember this memory very warmly...
Manly Beach. Late Spring. 1990.
On mornings where I'd be too lazy to wake up, you would click your tongue and say the word 'piscine' repeatedly, and when you did that, I knew exactly what those days would entail. It was your bribe to get me out of bed, and I was always happy to fall for it.
So today was that kind of day. We walk, we take a train and a ferry ride, and we arrive at the beach. The great thing about the sea, like you always say, is the weather there; a warm place that opens people up, opens out their feelings so they become unbounded and rejuvenated.
We often ravage on fish and chips or a barbeque chicken at
When the water glistens under the sun, it becomes the prettiest, most inviting thing. In the water, I'd be sitting in my 'piscine' with you holding onto the side and that buoyant feeling, is the feeling I forever want to stay in - bliss. Knowing that summer is definitely guaranteed in the month ahead and with all the sunshine to come, nothing could ever go wrong is what I feel.
After getting out of the water, we quickly change and go for a walk to buy ice cream, borrowing the gritty breeze to dry ourselves. When we come back to the family settlement sticky on the hands and mouth, Uncle Dave takes out his camera and that, that is where this photo comes from.
The water was already a darker hue because the sun had nodded off to the west and in front of us to your left, skewed shadows of the two people standing close together, that's your daughter-in-laws; the other shadow in front of us is Uncle Dave taking this picture of us, do you recall? Look, look, the white kids behind us! Whenever you see white kids around, you always pushed me to approach them. I hated it because I was so painfully shy, so we often made new friends together; a joint force of your broken English and my gradual wearing away of nervousness. So I suppose I’ve learnt that I can overcome; mountains will shrink if we frequent it enough. Nè Granddad, look at that smile on your face…yes, you're smiling! Though ever so slightly. I chuckled at this realisation because how often do you show anything but your intimidating front? My prancing around you while your giant hand crushes takes mine. I must’ve been really eager about something, hahaha do you remember what? And bigger too…your shadow’s bigger and longer than you in the photo, see it Granddad? Because that’s how you are – a man of large character and unbreakable willpower. One who never gives up nor gives in regardless of how big or small the task is. Never one to let another do anything for him so long as he is still able. Never one to accept senility and sickness as excuses. Look there in the picture Granddad, even my shadow outdid me. Amazing huh; under your wings I too, subliminally took after your ego. With you beside me, I am lively and big.
But lively is no longer a feeling around here.
I am after all, small. I felt painstakingly inadequate when you resented me, resented everyone and wouldn’t let us help you on that hospital bed. When you resented your failing body and rathered an impossible, solo battle to find back that strength which has been permanently devoured. But how to tell you that you are a senile man with dementia and faltered lungs, heart, liver? Mountains have shrunk during our time, and you are no longer a robust 5’9 either. It isn’t hard to learn to accept; being large only bestows more pain upon us, hey Granddad. I really wanted to tell you that before you were gone, but I wanted to believe more that we can be large and mediocrity needn’t haze our existence.
Nè Granddad, I’ve been waiting for you to visit in my dreams; don’t forget about me. Do come, I promise I won’t be afraid of you. Let’s go to the beach again and find that thing that rejuvenates us. I need you to tower over me to show me how much I can become.
17 March 2009 @ 09:27 am
"Stop letting rich people define fashion.
Be frugal & savvy;
Be frugal & savvy;
take pride in it,
and teach others."